Things Matty Says

Jun
30th

Thu

I’d rather you flood my yard. Soap kills fish.

— Out of context, a little strange.

Jun
29th

Wed

Let’s just keep making dirty jokes and no one has to know about my inconsistencies or your awkwardly loose vagina.

Jun
28th

Tue

Oh...

Matty: I wanted to feel it this time --
Matty: Across a thousand miles.

Jun
27th

Mon

Payment plan

Matty: I have a really long tongue and i can breathe through my ears.

Jun
26th

Sun

Because normally it's not.

Matty: I have an exercise ball so we can make doing doggy style fun

Jun
25th

Sat

Oh hi, let’s pretend neither of us are thinking about how rock hard my nipples are.

Jun
24th

Fri

Thanks to Facebook’s new chat archive there are tons of these non-sequential gems.

Jun
23rd

Thu

we were talking shit about you.

— Thanks for the honesty

Feb
5th

Sat

Still not okay with that.

Matty: I want to make a baby.
R: You... want to make a baby?
Matty: Not like, all the way...
Matty: But I want to start.

Jul
4th

Sun

I feel like I fed last night.

Jun
20th

Sun

Happy Fathers Day

Matty: another father's day gone by and nobody knocked on my door
Matty: whew
R: you have another 4 and a half hours
Matty: i disconnected my doorbell

Nov
28th

Sat

Wonder What Fatty This Is About

Matty: the shortis are cheap right now, i could spend the whole lot on like.. 6 sandwiches
Matty: drop one every few feet
Matty: and he'll eat his way to the middle of the street
Matty: BAM

Nov
27th

Fri

Why I shouldn’t have spare keys.

Nov
8th

Sun

The Face of Puberty

Matty: I want to see her face when she looks for them
Matty: with her beach hat and a sunglasses
Matty: and a glass of cold water
Matty: ready to go kool out.
Matty: It'll make her a woman.

Nov
7th

Sat